Dating apps are full of potential. Hookups, conversations, relationships, flirtation, maybe even something unexpected. But that potential gets derailed fast when people treat other users like they’re disposable. A lot of that comes down to basic etiquette, which too often gets ignored once a screen is involved. This isn’t a guide to being smooth. It’s a reminder to be decent. And while this is mostly aimed at men (NGL, but more often than not, HUD App’s customer service team says it’s the men acting up), everyone has something to learn.
Someone matches with you. You send a message. They don’t reply. That’s allowed. Annoying, a bit anti-climactic, but allowed.
No one owes you time or attention, no matter how good your opener was. Getting annoyed, sulking in the DMs, or throwing in a “guess you’re not that interesting anyway” doesn’t make you more desirable; it just makes things uncomfortable. Move on.
Opening lines matter. If your first message is graphic (IYKYK), overly familiar, or weirdly aggressive, it probably won’t go far. Being direct is great. Being crass or presumptive isn't. You can be flirty without being disrespectful. Try saying something that shows you actually read their profile, or just lead with a normal question. Boring isn’t the enemy - rude is.
No one expects a literary masterpiece. But if your bio is blank, your photos are six group shots at bars (or the dreaded “guy posing with fish), and your prompts say “just ask,” you’re giving nothing. Put in a little effort. Say something that reflects your actual personality - humor, music taste, something small but specific. It doesn’t have to impress everyone. It just has to give someone something to respond to.
It’s fine to want a hookup. It’s fine to want a relationship. What’s not fine is being vague on purpose so you can adjust the story depending on who you’re talking to. Clarity is respectful. Even if the other person wants something different, at least you’re not wasting anyone’s time, or setting up a situation that feels misleading.
Matching with someone is not an achievement. It's a conversation starter, not a scoreboard. If you match with people and never message them, or message just enough to keep them on a string, ask yourself what the point is. People can feel when they’re being treated like backup plans.
If you’re wondering whether to send an unsolicited explicit photo, the answer is no. If you receive one and didn’t ask for it, you don’t owe a reply. And if someone sends you something intimate with trust, treat it that way. No forwarding, no screenshots, no bragging. Consent doesn’t stop once you match. That includes photos, language, pace, and expectations.
Whether it’s one date or a few weeks of chatting, you’re allowed to change your mind. What matters is how you handle it. You don’t need a monologue, just a sentence or two that’s direct and kind: “Hey, I’ve enjoyed talking but I don’t think this is the right vibe for me. Wishing you the best.” That’s it. Done. Respectful, adult, over.
Dating apps aren’t a free-for-all. They’re full of people who are also trying, hoping, and figuring it out. If your approach is grounded in curiosity, honesty, and care, you’re already ahead of the game. And you don’t need to be perfect. Just not a d***.
Read more
The HUD Love Club
In praise of the summer fling
Summer flings are fleeting by design, but that doesn’t make them any less magical. Let’s romanticize the sunset beach kisses, the lake house crushes, and the once-in-a-lifetime hookups that live forever in our hearts (and maybe our DMs).
