Finding the right sexual health provider shouldn’t feel like swiping through red flags. Whether you’re queer, trans, non-binary, or just tired of being handed a pregnancy test when you came in for an STI check, this guide is here to help. Let’s get you the kind of care that actually cares – no assumptions, no judgment, and no “so what does your boyfriend think?” nonsense.
Going to the gyno can already feel a bit vulnerable. You’re half-naked under a crinkly paper sheet, hoping the speculum is warm and the doctor isn’t going to ask, “And how many sexual partners have you had recently?” (Spoiler: They’re going to ask.) Add in queerness, a non-binary identity, a trans body, or a casual sex life that doesn’t fit neatly into heteronormative boxes, and it’s no wonder a lot of us avoid it altogether.
But your sexual and reproductive health deserves better. You deserve care that affirms who you are, not just tolerates you, but sees you. And while it might take a little legwork, finding a provider who makes you feel safe, respected, and informed is 100% worth it.
An affirming provider won’t assume your gender based on your body. They’ll use your correct name and pronouns (even if these are different from your legal ID, insurance card, or previous medical records), ask informed and respectful questions, and offer you options, not pressure.
They’ll understand that people of all genders can need gynecological care, that queer and casual sex exist (and are totally normal), and that healthcare should never feel like a lecture or an interrogation. They’ll also practice trauma-informed care, meaning they move at your pace, explain what they’re doing before touching you, and prioritise consent at every step.
You shouldn’t have to explain yourself or educate your doctor just to get a smear test.
Whether you’re scrolling through clinic websites, calling reception, or chatting to a provider for the first time, it’s totally okay to ask questions that help you gauge whether they’re a good fit. You’re allowed to vet your doctor, and honestly, you should.
Here are seven questions you can use to get a sense of how inclusive and affirming a provider really is:
1. Do you work with LGBTQIA+ patients?
A supportive provider won’t just say “yes”, they’ll have experience and training to back it up.
2. Are your intake forms inclusive of all genders and sexualities?
Forms that only offer “male/female” or assume a heterosexual partner are not it.
3. How do you support trans and non-binary patients seeking gynaecological care?
This is a good one to ask if you’re worried about misgendering or being made to feel “othered” during your appointment.
4. Do you ask for and use patients’ pronouns?
A simple yes here can reveal a lot about how the clinic approaches identity and respect.
5. Do you have experience with patients in non-monogamous or casual relationships?
Especially useful if your sex life doesn’t match the standard “monogamous woman” script.
6. How do you approach STI testing and safer sex conversations?
Look for judgment-free, inclusive language and comprehensive testing options that aren’t based on assumptions.
7. Do you offer trauma-informed care?
If they’re not sure what this means, or they sound dismissive, that’s a red flag.
Sometimes, unfortunately, you don’t know a provider is a bad fit until you’re already on the exam table. Maybe they misgender you. Maybe they ask invasive questions. Maybe they make a face when you mention your non-monogamous partner, or call you “brave” for coming in. Maybe you’re in a state where gender-affirming care is frowned upon or actually being legislated out of existence. Here’s what you can do:
1. Set a boundary in the moment if you feel safe.
It’s okay to say, “That language doesn’t feel respectful,” or “Actually, I don’t identify as a woman.” You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation, but you can reclaim the space.
2. Cut it short.
If the appointment feels uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s okay to say, “I’d like to stop here,” and leave. Your safety comes first, not their feelings. You don't need to invest your energy or effort in something that you feel is draining you.
3. Report or give feedback.
If it’s a public clinic or medical centre, there’s usually a patient advocate or complaints process. Sharing your experience can help shift culture and protect others, but only if you feel up to it.
4. Find support.
Vent to a friend. Post in a queer forum. Remind yourself: it wasn’t your fault. The medical system has a long way to go, but your discomfort is real and valid.
5. Try again (with help).
Use gender-affirming healthcare directories below to find a provider who gets it. You deserve to be taken seriously without having to code-switch your way through a pelvic exam.
If you’re not sure where to start, there are resources out there – you just have to know where to look. Here’s a starter guide to finding inclusive, gender-affirming sexual healthcare providers:
At the end of the day, you deserve healthcare that doesn’t make you flinch, shrink, or second-guess your identity. The right provider will treat your body with respect, your sexuality with curiosity (not judgment), and your questions with care.
If something feels off (even if you can’t explain exactly why), you’re allowed to leave. You're allowed to switch providers. You're allowed to start again. You're allowed to speak up for yourself and your healthcare needs. Affirming care isn’t a luxury. It’s the bare minimum.
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