Have you ever had a long-distance relationship that actually lasted? When I was in college, a lot of my friends tried to keep their high-school romances going even when they were at colleges separated by hours (and sometimes several states). I know of very few that actually lasted the distance. Now, that was probably because we did a LOT of growing-up between the ages of 18 and 22, and what that meant for most people was outgrowing those first relationships – a bittersweet rite of passage.
Fast-forward a few years and long-distance relationships are definitely more common, and more do-able, than ever before. The pandemic gave us creative ways to keep in touch with people far away, and that’s translated into dating. Whether you’re temporarily long-distance, one of you travels for work, or your relationship started with a match from halfway across the world, keeping intimacy alive from afar is not only possible, it can actually be seriously sexy.
Long-distance relationships have their own unique challenges. You miss the little things: Hugs after a rough day, the easy banter over takeout pizza, the simple joy of flopping on the couch together. But distance can also be an opportunity to discover new ways to connect, flirt, and keep things spicy, sometimes in ways that might never happen if you saw each other every day.
Open, honest, and creative communication is the foundation – we all know this, right? But no one wants a relationship that feels like a never-ending status update. Spice it up by sending each other silly memes, voice notes, or even the occasional “I can’t stop thinking about last time…” text. (Just double-check who you’re messaging before you hit send. That one’s for your partner, not your boss.)
A huge part of long-distance intimacy is letting your partner know you’re thinking about them in all the best ways. That could be flirty banter, cheeky pics (if that’s your vibe – consent is key!), or just a late-night message about what you want to do when you’re together again. Remember: Everything should feel safe, respectful, and fun for both of you.
Who says you can’t have date night in different time zones? Schedule a regular “together” time, whether that’s video chatting while cooking dinner, watching the same show (simultaneous Netflix is a love language), or playing a game online. If you want to dial up the romance, light a candle, dress up, and have a virtual meal (yes, even if it’s just ramen on both sides). Sometimes the effort is what counts most.
Don’t underestimate the power of a surprise! Mail a care package, order them their favourite snack, or send a handwritten letter with a lipstick kiss for good measure. If snail mail isn’t your thing, drop a playlist, a voice note, or a spicy photo in their inbox. Surprises keep things feeling new, exciting, and a little bit unpredictable.
There are so many ways to bridge the distance beyond just FaceTime and emojis. Set up a shared photo album, challenge each other to TikTok duets, or collaborate on a playlist that gets a little flirty. Explore HUD App’s “The Bedroom” feature for some digital intimacy inspiration. Want to keep things really spicy? If you’re both feeling brave, you could have a steamy FaceTime sesh just for each other. Again: Consent, privacy, and trust are everything.
Intimacy isn’t just about sexy times. Share the boring stuff too! Send each other a morning coffee selfie, share what you’re making for dinner, or plan to read the same book together. Rituals give your relationship a sense of rhythm and closeness, no matter how far apart you are.
Lean into the countdowns. Plan your next meet-up, fantasise about what you’ll do together, and make a list of “things we have to try when we see each other.” Building anticipation can be half the fun (and majorly flirty). One of my friends has a long-distance boyfriend she sees every four to six months for several weeks at a time, and she says it’s the best of both worlds. When they’re together, it’s intense, but when they’re apart, she has time for herself and her own life – and she loves it. She’s an independent soul, and the arrangement suits them both perfectly. She says it took some getting used to and they do miss each other, but knowing they’re going to be together is something to work toward and look forward to, and that keeps the excitement going – especially when they make sexy plans when they’re apart, and then act on them together.
Long-distance isn’t always easy, and it’s totally okay to say, “I miss you.” Share your worries and celebrate your wins. Honesty keeps you both connected, and it’s a lot more romantic than pretending everything’s perfect. But don’t forget, your life is happening now, not just when you’re together. Go out, see friends, do things that make you happy. Your life shouldn’t be on hold until you’re together with the person you’re seeing. The best long-distance relationships are the ones where both partners still have space to grow and thrive, even when they’re apart.
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