Sex as a person of size: Breaking taboos and embracing pleasure

Let’s talk about it: Fat folks have sex. Amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling, sheet-gripping sex. And yet, the world still acts like plus-size people are either asexual, unworthy of desire, or struggling to “make it work” in the bedroom. Spoiler alert: None of that is true.

As a plus-size woman myself, I know firsthand that navigating sex in a fat body comes with its own set of considerations, both mental and physical. From unlearning shame to finding positions that make you feel like a damn goddess, embracing pleasure as a person of size means rejecting harmful narratives and rewriting the rules on your own terms.

So let’s break some taboos, toss out the insecurity, and dive into how to have hot, fulfilling, and deeply satisfying sex in any body.

1. Confidence is the sexiest lingerie

The sexiest thing you can bring to the bedroom isn’t a lacy thong (though those are great, too), it’s confidence. But let’s be real, that’s easier said than done in a world that tells us thinness = desirability. The truth? Confidence isn’t about looking a certain way; it’s about owning your body, knowing you deserve pleasure, and surrounding yourself with partners who see you as the absolute snack that you are.

If you struggle with body image during sex, start small:

• Wear lingerie or a robe that makes you feel powerful.
• Use dim lighting or candles to create a warm, sensual atmosphere.
• Focus on what feels good rather than what you think you look like.

Remember: The people who are lucky enough to be in bed with you aren’t critiquing your body – they’re enjoying it. So you should, too.

2. Positions that work with your body

Sex is not a one-size-fits-all experience, and neither are sex positions. The key? Find what works for your body, not against it. Here are some positions that maximize comfort, leverage, and pleasure:

• Modified Missionary: Slip a pillow under your hips for better alignment and deeper penetration.
• Side-Lying (a.k.a. Lazy Sex): Great for when you want intimacy, easy access, and less pressure on joints.
• Seated Cowgirl: Have your partner sit on a sturdy chair or the edge of the bed while you straddle them—this gives you full control and takes pressure off your knees.
• Doggy Style (With Support): If you love deeper penetration but need extra support, try it with a sturdy pillow under your chest or a higher surface like a couch for better positioning.

Pro tip: Wedges and pillows aren’t just for aesthetics, they’re game-changers for positioning and comfort.

3. Communication = better sex

Great sex isn’t about fitting into a specific mold, it’s about what feels good for you. Talk to your partner about what you need, whether it’s extra support, a slower pace, or a different angle. The more you communicate, the better your sex life will be.

And if someone makes you feel self-conscious or unwilling to meet you halfway? They don’t deserve access to your pleasure in the first place.

4. Fat bodies deserve to be worshipped

Your body isn’t something to be "overcome" during sex, it’s something to be adored, pleasured, and celebrated. Every jiggle, roll, and curve is worthy of desire. If a partner isn’t treating you like the divine being you are, it’s time to upgrade your roster.

At the end of the day, fat sex isn’t a struggle or an exception – it’s just sex. And the more we embrace that, the more we step into the pleasure that we all deserve.

So take up space, and have the kind of sex that leaves you breathless and blissed out, because your body was, quite literally, made for it.

Danielle Simpson-Baker is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Florida and a Board Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology. Danielle holds an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and is currently working toward a dual certificate in Sex Therapy and Education. She also runs a sex-positive Instagram page (@thesexpottherapist) that has amassed more than 23,000 followers since its inception in 2018; with that following, Danielle started a virtual sexual wellness clinic called Sex(pot) Therapy, LLC. Danielle provides sex therapy, coaching, and consulting, as well as a host of sexual wellness products for every person’s needs!