Top tips to up your game on - and beyond - the dating apps

By Danielle Simpson-Baker aka The Sexpot Therapist

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by a dating app. If your hand is up, you can put it down and rest assured that you’re not alone. A recent US-based study found that more than 70% (and damn near almost 80%) of people surveyed are "over" dating apps. But for the average, busy AF person, how else are you supposed to meet people?

Here’s the thing: Dating apps can feel like a full-time job. Endless swiping, awkward small talk, ghosting - it’s exhausting. But the truth is, dating doesn’t have to be this way. It’s time to take a fresh approach and make the process work for you, not against you.

How you can make your UX better

Let's talk UX - user experience - and tackle how to have a better time on dating apps. One word: Authenticity. Be yourself. It sounds clichéd, but honesty is refreshing in a sea of filtered photos and curated bios. Show your real interests, even if they’re quirky. Love collecting vintage vinyl? Mention it. Obsessed with true crime podcasts? Own it. Your quirks are what make you unique, and they can be the spark that catches someone’s eye.

Next, let’s talk about engagement. Don’t just match and forget. When you connect with someone, take a few minutes to read their profile and craft a message that shows genuine interest. A thoughtful question or comment about something specific in their profile can go a long way.

And finally, consider taking some time to step away from the apps (temporarily). According to the article, the average person admitted to spending about an hour per day on dating apps, which may not seem like much, but can add up to an overwhelming amount of investment over time.  

But how else can I meet people?

Apps are great - hey, you're reading a blog post published by one of them! - but if you're feeling a little burned out, take a little break and consider investing some time in these alternatives instead.

1. Join clubs or groups. Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, or a local sports league, joining clubs or groups that match your interests can be a great way to meet new people. Plus, you’ll have something in common right off the bat.

2. Volunteer. Giving back to the community can also be a way to meet like-minded individuals. Find causes you’re passionate about and get involved. The connections you make while doing something meaningful can be incredibly rewarding.

3. Attend social events. Networking events, workshops, or local meetups can also be great places to meet people. Keep an eye out for events that interest you and show up with an open mind.

4. Take a class. Whether it’s cooking, dance, or a foreign language, taking a class can be a fun way to learn something new and meet people who share your interests.

5. Attend a singles’ event. Many cities host singles events, speed dating, or themed parties specifically for people looking to meet someone new. These events can be a fun, low-pressure way to interact with other singles in person.

At the end of the day, dating should be fun, not a chore. Whether you’re hanging on the apps, joining new social circles, or taking a chance on something different, remember to stay true to yourself and enjoy the journey. Happy dating!

Danielle Simpson-Baker is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern in Florida and a Board Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology. Danielle holds an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and is currently working toward a dual certificate in Sex Therapy and Education. She also runs a sex-positive Instagram page (@thesexpottherapist) that has amassed more than 23,000 followers since its inception in 2018; with that following, Danielle started a virtual sexual wellness clinic called Sex(pot) Therapy, LLC. Danielle provides sex therapy, coaching, and consulting, as well as a host of sexual wellness products for every person’s needs!

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